For some reason, this works best with popular rap and hip-hop tunes. Maybe it's because they tell more of a story; maybe it's because Carmine doesn't like butt-rock. Maybe it's because turning "pimpin' ain't easy" into "the profession of private sex brokering is a difficult enterprise" is more laughable than the more ordinary lyrics of most rock numbers.
Anyway, in a recent test of mettle and wits, Carmine and I went back and forth reworking the classic rap hit "Regulate" by Warren G with Nate Dogg. We did this in a series of Facebook status updates, something I may continue in the future with other tunes. For your benefit, Carmine's contributions are in red, mine in blue. Enjoy.
I observed full lunar-cycle visibility against a cloudless, onyx sky.
Concurrently, Warren Griffin the 3rd was on the boulevard attempting to procure female company, which will be instrumental in acquiring intimacy which some may liken to heavily syncopated soul music. Operating my motor vehicle in a state of solitary relaxation.
At the same time, Mr. Nathan Dogg was scouting the eastern reaches of the greater Long Beach community, in an attempt to locate Mr. Griffin. However, upon this search he sighted a car occupied by several women. This was not something to be concerned about, as all women are aware of the reputation of Los Angeles and its associated hip-hop scene.
Turning into the intersection of Lewis Avenue and E. 21st Street, I happened upon a group of African American peers engaging in an urban hustling activity utilizing a polyhedral number generator. Thus, I motivated myself to join the contest. Upon egressing from my vehicle, I administered a colloquial greeting. Several contestants then brandished firearms and I acknowledged that I was detained.
I became aware that the women in the approaching car were gazing at me, and undertook evasive driving to avoid their car. The prostitutes were so focused on my countenance that they lost control and collided with the sidewalk. Upon seeing this display, I deduced that there were greater priorities than carnal delight, particularly when I discovered my compatriot was in the midst of a confrontation with some less-than-savory individuals.
I'm the victim of a forceful larceny. I'm under duress to surrender my possessions. It's astounding to entertain the idea that they are seizing Warren's material gains. Upon taking my digital jewelery and my luxury Swiss chronometer, I questioned my captor as to what would follow in this sequence.
They have my friend restrained and surrounded, though none of them have considered whether they are equally matched to their adversary. I slow my car down to the curb, arriving just before they engage in any further antics. It is clear that the only appropriate action will be to unveil my firearm and take these delinquents' lives.
They have ballistics trained upon my crown, I fear my time is neigh. It's impossible to think that this could occur within familiar city limits. Were I to have Icarian implements, I would take flight.. allow me to mediate upon the situation. At this time, the visage of my esteemed partner Nathan is cast upon my eyes.
I have sixteen bullets in the magazine and an additional round chambered. So armed, Nathan Dogg is prepared to accelerate corporeal cooling. They proceed to collapsing upon the ground and calling out in elevated voices, but alas, their pleas for help are less than timely. Pursuant to their behavior, Mssrs. Dogg and Griffin were forced to take control and exact justice.
I forced all the delinquents into an unconscious and prone position, allowing my firearm to discharge each bullet with force. After this act of vigilantism, I pause to redirect my thoughts to my earlier carnal pursuits. I say to my friend, "If you are also interested in female companionship, follow my lead, as I neglected several women on the sidewalk not far from our present location."
It's widely verified that Nathan appreciates women with an open minded approach to sexual activities. Prior to my imposition, I was in-tune to a similar pursuit. Revisit the situation, as commencement has become apparent. Nathan and myself, Warren Griffin III.
As I suspected, the women were where I had left them, and required immediate attention. Of course, Nathan and young Warren were searching for something entirely different. One of these ladies was quite seductive, and stated, "I am impressed by your stature. My vehicle is inoperable, and you have a trustworthy personality. Would you please provide us with transportation?" Now, my automobile is loaded with female passengers, and everything is copacetic. We are en route to another location, the East Side Motel.
As if under chemical influence, I proceed into a new epoch. Similarly minded urban music artists, I challenge you to bring your best effort forth. Groove oriented music comprising an heretofore uncharted tier.
The underlying measure of the music comprises the low-frequency tones, and the standard low-frequency tones occupy the range typically held by higher-frequency sound.
Combinations of notes played in harmony, coiled steel wire to generate said note triplets...we provide a musical arrangement over the rhythm.
Gangster funk music: a genre in which metered bassline and subsistence are mutually exclusive.
If you are aware in the same manner as myself, you will be apprehensive to bring forth a challenge. The time has arrived for r&b music that has been influenced by urban organized crime.
If your cannabis consumption is akin to my own, then you are likely in an altered state of mind on a nearly daily basis.
And if you are a disrespectful urchin of limited means, then those indigenous to the Los Angeles area will exact vigilantism on you in like fashion to our earlier exploits.
Comments, props, shoutouts, etc. are welcome.
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